“I love my wife, you know, love her to death. It's just that she sometimes expects so much from me. She wants this, she wants that. She always hounds me to start a university savings account for the kids, you know, for when they go to university. Because, according to her, they are going to university. Not even college, you know, university. It has to be university. Not that I have anything against university. Only an idiot would have something against higher education. It's just that I'd like for my children to choose for themselves what they want to do. Whatever makes them happy and if that means not going to university then so be it, you know?”
“Uh huh.”
“I don't know how I'm going to break the news to her. She is going to kill me. I should have been more fiscally responsible. This really is all my fault. Actually no it's the company's fault for firing me. I was a good worker. How in the god forsaken crap of a hell could possibly not be profitable to them?
“I don't know man, that's tough.”
“See? You understand. You know what it's like to be a working man, providing for your family.”
“I'm single with no kids. Also, I don't have a job. That's why I'm here at noon, drinking beer and listening to you.”
“Yeah, well, good luck with your life and stuff.”
“Thanks man.”
“What's your name?”
“Ted”
“Ted, heh, Ted. Ted.”
It was around this point that David began to lose his interest in whatever Ted had to say. His head lolled about as his mind wandered, safe in his world of drunken thoughts, where no one could fire him or be disappointed in him.
The bar was fairly empty save for Ted, who was sitting beside him and two serious looking men in black suits sitting at a table on the other side of the room. The men serious men both had a cup of coffee yet neither of them appeared to be drinking it. They also did not seem to be speaking to each other. They were just sitting.
Soon enough David began to bore of his thoughts. He knew he had to sing. His mind knew that singing was the proper thing to do at that moment in time. He opened his mouth, letting his soul guide him to the proper tune.
“Just a small town girl, livin' in a lonely world,” he began.
Ted quickly shuffled away.
“She took the midnight train goin' anywhere.”
Just then David felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned around to see that it belonged to one of the men in black suits. The other black suited man stood there as well, right beside the first. Both men looked identical, as if they were clones. David tried for the life of him to find something that distinguished them in order to prove that he was not seeing double. Yet, as much as he struggled, he could not.
“We could not but overhear that you have recently been laid off,” said the first.
“Um, yes,” said David, visibly frightened.
“Brenda, is going to be upset with you, isn't she,” said the second.
“Um, yes,” said David, visibly more frightened than he was a couple seconds ago.
“We can help you, if you want a job you can work for us,” said the first.
“What do you guys do?” asked David.
“We run an organization specializing in human management,” said the second.
“What would my job be?” asked David.
“You'll be a human resource eliminator,” said the first.
“A what?” said David, “like I'd be firing people?
“In a sense,” said the second. “You would be assisting our group by terminating certain people deemed unhelpful to our general progress. You will be an assassin.”
“An assassin?” David laughed, “Oh, that's good. You guys really had me going there. Yeah, sure, I'll totally be your assassin.”
“Excellent,” said the first. “Sign here.”
He handed a pen to David who spent a couple moments trying to grab it. Once he finally managed to hold it properly he scribbled his name where it said, in big letters, sign here.
“Someone will call you tomorrow with more details,” said the first. “Everything will be fine now, you won't have to worry about providing for your family any more.”
“Very good,” said David. “Now if you fellas don't mind I need to find a way home in several hours.”
He stood where he was for a few seconds until something felt wrong. He no longer felt very good. His face contorted slightly, he paused.
BLEUGH
His breakfast covered the floor and the shoes of the two men.
“I'm sorry,” said David.
Everything turned to darkness.
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